Late Christmas Shopping

In case some of you still haven't found that perfect excuse to spew conspicuous consumption all over that special someone, here's a great gift. After all, what says Merry *Dominant Consumerist Holiday* like a "Whimsical citrus squeezer and goblet"?

But I realize that the $53 price tag might be a little steep for some of you. I mean we love our loved ones, but $53??!!

Luckily, I am marketing this new product which performs the exact functions, but with a price tag that won't make you yearn for the days of slavery and indentured servitude:
You probably want to see that again:

That's right! It's a wooden spoon with the words, "I strive to be a racist fuck because it shows that I'm oh so trendy and subversive" inscribed on the handle!

All for the super-low price of $37 plus shipping and handling!

"But wait!" you ask. "Does it have as clever and subtlely clever and kitchy clever name as the 'Mandarin Squeezer'?"

Need you even ask?

Please place an order for an "Ignorant Cracker Spoon" today!

Where does this name come from? Why of course from the multi-purpose nature of this wonderous contraption. In addition to squeezing oranges, you can also use it to spoon "Boston Crackas" on to your Chowdah or "Saltines" into your Shark's Fin soup...

What? You don't eat Saltines in your Shark's Fin soup? Do you have something against Crackers?

So order one today! Squeeze your oranges, demonstrate your amazing hipster charm, and build your wrist muscles faster than a stupid asshole with AFS looking at Phan Thi Kim Phuc pictures!