Saturday, October 15, 2005

Good Satire

The folks at RealDoll have been plying their creepy trade in utterly lifelike sex dolls for quite sometime now.

While I do have concerns that such a doll could help warp people's sexuality to the point that they have trouble with the emotional/empathetic aspects of a relationship with a real person, it's not like porn doesn't already do that to a large degree.

It's hard to read their FAQs and not rate them pretty high on the creep-o-meter. I think they realize the stigma that their product might have and over compensate a bit.

Rather than go puritanical and shit on them, the folks at RealHamster serve them pretty good. Peep their FAQ page:

Real Doll:

Question: Can water become trapped inside the doll?

No. REALDOLL's body is not hollow. REALDOLL is a SOLID love doll.

Question: What happens when "the honeymoon is over" and I feel that the doll is not for me and wish to return it?

Although we'd like to fully satisfy all our customers, our firm policy is: ALL SALES ARE FINAL.

Question: Does the silicone flesh have a foul flavor?

No. REALDOLL's flesh has no noticeable flavor.

Real Hamster:

Question: Can water become trapped inside the hamster?

Not in anywhere that matters. REALHAMSTER can easily be dried inside and out in seconds with a hair dryer. Alternatively, the hamster can just be left running for half an hour to dry itself.

Question: What happens when “the honeymoon is over” and I feel that the hamster is not for me and wish to return it?

Nothing. Nothing will happen at all.

Question: Does the fur have a foul flavour?

No. Expert hamster-tasters all over the world agree that REALHAMSTER is representative of the world's finest tasting hamsters.

Also, you might find it weird for someone who believes in intelligent design to link this site, but I appreciate Flying Spaghetti Monsterism in its purpose as well. What do you think? Good satire? People being assholes? Let me know.


Blogger Matthew said...


You believe in intelligent design?

I, um, didn't know that...

10:32 AM  
Blogger xian said...

Well, there's a difference in believing in intelligent design in terms of a creator playing a role in the fabrication of such processes as evolution and believing in a concerted effort to force fake, oppressive Christianity into the classroom--a plan that Jesus would never have approved of.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Back to the real doll thing. I'm a strong believer that all people who buy a real doll should have a back ground check and be monitered by the CIA for 2 months after purchase. I have a feeling that there is a strong corolation between people who buy real dolls and people who are necropheliac serial killers.

6:49 PM  
Blogger xian said...

Real Doll:
Question: What happens when "the honeymoon is over" and I feel like chopping up and having intercourse with real dead human beings?

REALDOLL customers include necrophiliac futurists, necrophiliac artists, necrophiliac art collectors, necrophiliac film-makers, necrophiliac scientists, necrophiliac health professionals, necrophiliac housewives -- you name it. There simply isn't just one type of necrophiliac REALDOLL customer! We provide REALDOLLs to single men, couples seeking to enhance their sex afterlives, people looking for exotic decorative dead art, creepy adult retailers who want the ultimate display mannequin, or anyone who desires to possess the world's most realistic love doll (for whatever reason).

10:17 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on