Friday, May 20, 2005

Opiate of the Masses

To be honest, if you asked me last year about "American Idol", I probably would have responded, "What in the fuck is that?"

Thanks to the coercion of my girl, I was forced to suffer through a couple of episodes of Carrie Underwood's off-pitch shrieking. By the second incidence, Liz and I began practicing our "judging responses" for Carrie: "You know how much it sucks to have wild dogs tear the living flesh off of your bone structure? I would happily submit to that before subjecting myself to your singing again!" or "You know how a stopped clock is right twice a day? You are the stopped clock of on key vocal performance!"

Yesterday, she completed her blasting through to the finale of the show. Before I comment on that, did I mention that I actually wrote the theme song? Like I said, I never knew about the show, but evidentally when I was trying to compose a tune on Liz's keyboard to uncacophoniously drive the rodents from our kitchen, one of the show creators decide to record it and subject the nation to it twice a week.

Anyway, Ms. Underwood, (who incidentally, loves animals so much more than humans that she carved up her twin sister and fed it to her farm animal during the last food shortage on the farm) is in the finals. From my understanding, this week featured the third utter voting fuck up of the season. I guess this is a truly "American" voting event. Interestingly enough, ALL the fuck ups have benefitted Underwood. This week's hurt her competitor African American contestant Vonzell Solomon while benefiting Bo Bice (and in a three way competition Underwood). The previous mistake actually had the closed captioning displaying Underwood's number for three of the other candidates.

Liz suggested that maybe for the finale, they can just put Carrie's number at the bottom of the screen for all of the insurance commercials and infomercials that they show in the period following the show.

My greatest concern is how poor Carrie with all of her Banshee vocal resemblance will sell records without similar privilege. Maybe they can just package her CDs in a Destiny's Child box and when people accidentally buy it that can count that on her album sales.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Listed on